Moving in together tips: a plan for the first 30 days

Moving in together tips: the 30-day plan at a glance

Most advice about moving in together is either about packing boxes or about your feelings. The part that actually decides how it goes sits in between: the first few weeks, when two sets of habits, two sets of stuff and two ways of handling money land in one apartment at once.

If you haven't had the big conversations yet (why you're moving in, how you'll split rent, whose name goes on the lease), start with our questions to ask before moving in together. This guide picks up from there: what to do, week by week, once you've said yes.

Before the move: decide what stays

Two people usually means two of everything: two toasters, two shower curtains, two opinions about the couch. Decide before moving day, while it's still a list and not a hallway full of boxes. Go room by room and sort every bigger item into keep, sell, donate or store.

If one of you is moving into the other's place, the person already there has the extra job. Clear half the closet and some shelves before the move, not after, and let the newcomer change something visible: the art, the couch, the bedroom layout. Otherwise it stays "your place" for a long time.

How to split the costs of moving in together

Moving costs money before the first rent payment: a truck, boxes, maybe movers, and usually a few new things for the new place. The simplest fair rule: things for the shared home are shared; costs of leaving your old place are yours. Split the shared ones the same way you'll split rent (50/50 or by income), and settle the difference once.

Here's how that works for Alex and Sam, who split shared costs 50/50. Alex paid for the truck, the boxes and the movers. Sam paid for a new bed frame and a cleaner for their old apartment. Alex is also paying a last month on a storage unit.

Two things make this easy. Write each cost down the day you pay it, with who paid, and agree what counts as shared before anyone buys anything big. If your incomes are very different, the same table works with a 60/40 split instead of 50/50: see how to split finances as a couple for how to work out the percentages.

Week 1: set up the four shared systems

Most early fights about living together aren't really about the relationship. They're about a bill nobody paid, dishes nobody did, milk nobody bought or a visit nobody mentioned. Set up four simple systems in the first week, while you're both still in a good mood about the place.

For chores, don't start from a list of 30 jobs. Start with four areas (kitchen, bathroom, floors and trash, shopping and errands), give each a name, and swap regularly. Our chore chart for adults shows how to weight the jobs so the split is fair, including the invisible ones like booking repairs and remembering birthdays.

For bills, put the utilities in the move-in week, not the week the first bill arrives. Agree whose name each account is in, and split them the way you agreed for rent. If you want the full menu of options (50/50, by income, a joint account, or a mix), they're all worked through in how to split finances as a couple.

Week 2: protect your own space and time

The first weeks of living together can feel like a long sleepover, and that's fun until one of you needs an evening alone and the other takes it personally. Plan for it now, while nobody needs it yet.

• Give each of you a corner. A desk, a chair, a shelf: somewhere that's yours, even in a studio.
• Keep one evening a week each for friends, a class or just being alone. Put it in the calendar so it's a plan, not a rejection.
• Keep your friends. Seeing them without your partner is normal, and good for both of you.
• Agree a signal for "I need a bit of quiet" that doesn't need explaining. Headphones on, door half closed, whatever works.
• Talk about sleep and mornings. Who gets up first, alarms, lights, the bathroom queue.

Try saying it like this: "I love living with you. I also need Thursday evenings to myself, and it's not about you. Can we put it in the calendar?"

Week 3: your first real disagreement (and how to have it)

Somewhere around week three the novelty wears off and the small things start to show: the towel on the floor, the thermostat, the friend who stays too late. That's normal. What matters is fixing small things while they're small.

1. 1Raise it within a day or two, not after a month of sighing.
2. 2Talk about the thing, not the person. "The dishes have been in the sink since Sunday" works. "You never clean up" doesn't.
3. 3Say what you'd like instead, specifically: "Can we do dishes before bed?"
4. 4Agree a small change and a time to look at it again. Most house problems are fixed by a rule, not a promise to try harder.

If you share the place with roommates as well as a partner, the same rules apply, just written down more formally: see our roommate agreement template.

Week 4: the first-month check-in

Put it in the calendar for about four weeks after moving day. Keep it short (20 minutes, over dinner is fine) and go through the same five questions:

1. 1What's working better than we expected?
2. 2What's one thing that's been bugging each of us?
3. 3Now we've seen the real bills, does the money split still feel fair?
4. 4Does the chore split still feel even?
5. 5Are we each getting enough time alone and with friends?

End with one change each, and a date for the next check-in. After that, every few months is plenty, or whenever something big changes, like a new job.

Normal adjustment, or a red flag after moving in together?

Some friction in the first months is completely normal: you're learning how someone lives, not just how they date. A few patterns are different, and worth taking seriously rather than putting down to adjustment.

Printable first 30 days checklist

An app for the boring parts

None of this needs an app: a shared note and a paper calendar will do. But the four week-one systems are exactly what House Plan is built for, and it's free for two:

• Shared expenses for the moving costs and everything after, split equally, by percentage or by exact amounts, with who owes whom always visible
• Recurring bills for rent and utilities that add themselves every month
• Chores that rotate on their own, with points and a monthly leaderboard
• One grocery list you both add to, grouped by aisle
• A shared calendar for trash day, visitors and the first-month check-in

To be upfront about the limits: Free covers 2 people with 2 recurring bills, 4 active chores and 20 grocery items. Pro adds unlimited recurring bills and saved splits, like a 60/40. Pro's first month is free. House Plan is on iPhone; Android is coming soon.

See what House Plan does for couples.